Make Me New (Perverseness + Glorifying God doesn’t = Righteousness)

Four years and one month. . . .that’s how long it’s been since I published my first novel, First Monday In August.  There were plenty of days I’d come home, sit in front of this computer, and stare blankly at my manuscript of the sequel.  The story has come sporadically, but its coming.  For a while I chalked it up to writer’s block.  After the second year I stopped kidding myself.  A LOT has changed inside of me since 2007.  And oh what a wonderful change it’s been; I must add!  Like the children of Israel I’ve been on an Exodus to the land of Canaan God has for me.  Also like the children of Israel being stiff-necked and disobedient has kept me in the wilderness longer than I’ve cared to be.  I’ve been stagnant in the completion of my book and will even say I was stagnant in my way of living and thinking. 

THE number one lesson I have learned on my literary journey is I am not the next Zane nor should I try to be.  Just because sex sells in the world; it doesn’t have to sell with me.  I’ve learned I don’t have to be vulgar to tell my story.  I mean, come on now, we all know if it were not for sex none of us would be here, right?  And yes, real life happens but there’s a better way to get things across to my readers.   Like a church sign I once saw; Jesus Christ doesn’t take you out of the world but takes the world out of you. 

                

I admit, even while writing First Monday In August I felt conviction in my heart and the disobedient person I was; I tried to justify it by saying, “this is real life.  real life happens” knowing deep down I wasn’t true to myself.  It’s funny how movies depict the voice of God as some booming bass that blasts down from the heavens amid shining light.  I guess He would come across this way if He ever found it necessary but for me it’s been a still quiet voice; that voice of quiet wisdom and reason that cuts through my bull and straight to my heart with ease like that of a warm butter knife slicing through freshly baked bread.  It states plainly in Romans 12: 1-2:  1.  I beseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.  2.  And be not conformed to this world:  but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. 

                

Simply put, salvation is transformation.  And the transformation process can be ugly.  When God and the Holy Spirit begins to truly deal with your heart you have to face each and every single nasty, ugly, perverted thing you’ve ever done in your life.  I had to take a long hard look at myself to figure out what’s down inside of me that had me like this?  Where was this spirit of perverseness coming from?  And how did this perverseness help glorify God in my literary work?  These questions swirled in and around me for months.  I didn’t want to face the reality of where this spirit could’ve come from.  But God made me face it once and for all.  For me, there were any number of ways this filth found its way into me; from being molested as a child, to mutilating God’s precious temple with the tattoos I put myself through, or it could’ve been passed down through our family bloodline (yes; that happens too).  Add to this list the number of television shows, commercials, and movies that are softly pornographic but still pornographic all the same.  And even the music I listened too played a part.  I played myself right into the hands of the enemy in thinking if I throw in what I know of God then these perverted sexual scenes would be okay because there’s more to the story than this.  I was so, so, so, so, very wrong.  How can I proclaim the gospel and still have perverted thoughts?  That’s a perversion in and of itself!  How can I claim to be saved with these kinds of thoughts rolling through heavy?  The message of redemption is totally missed if I’m calling up lust in my readers.  And the truth of the matter was I wasn’t saved.  I was a hypocrite.  That truth hurt me but it had to be told and I feel I’m a better person for it.  Thank you Jesus!  

Once I began to pray and fast against this spirit you can say ALL hell broke loose, literally; from demonic visitations to dreams showing me how good it used to feel being of my flesh.  Oh, I forgot some of ya’ll don’t think demons are real?  I’m here to tell you different, they are!  But glory be to God I’m learning how to fight back with the tools our Heavenly Father equipped us with.  Ephesians 6:12-18  This is a spiritual warfare that CANNOT be won through the flesh.  And as I continually seek His face each day my freedom feels sweeter than the day before.  So, will I ever finish the sequel to First Monday In August?  Lord only knows.  All I know now is I will allow God to decide; if He moves me to finish it then so be it; I’ll finish it.  If not, then oh well, I’m fine with that too.  But if I do, I do know one thing for sure; I shall take heed to Proverbs 4:24; put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee.   

Until next time beautiful people I pray for God to create within us a clean heart and renew a right spirit with us!

by:  Khyrra